What Would Martha Do?

The sweet smell of....ketchup

Noe: I started this blog on Saturday morning and ended Tuesday morning during the major snowstorm

What a week, I tell ya'. Even though we had off Monday, had a 2-hour delay on Tuesday..I was exhausted last night! Maybe it was all the inside recess that will make ya' stir crazy!  I really did not do  a darn thing this week. Well, this is not entirely true but I did not do anything that I had on my list. I dropped off the Martha wagon. I am determined to get back on through the power of risotto. Have any of you ever made it? Today, I will make wild mushroom risotto, yum! Ray actually said I was a good cook this week.
Mating socks is on my to-do list too. Do not judge me! I have 6 people now and they all wear different socks much to my dismay. Why can't everyone wear pink striped toe socks??? My sis-n-law had 6 kids. She has only lost 2 socks in her whole life. I think this either deserves a reward or someone needs to take her on vacation. 
Speaking of cooking, I made mini-turkey burger meatloafs this week. As they were cooking this dialog emerged:
Razor: Oh man! I love the smell of ketchup cooking in the oven.
Me: (puzzled..then light bulb moment...then sarcastic tone )  They should make a ketchup candle!
Razor: (replies in a serious tone ...he does not yet know what a good actress I really am) Yeah, I bet those Yankee Doodle people have already made one.
Me: I bet so too (rolls eyes)

You would think being married to him for 15 years I would know that he loved the smell of cooking Ketchup. Although, this really doesn't surprise me.The man's whole cooking repatwa( i cant spell this nor find it on spell check..say it phonetically)  is based on the fact that he worked at Hardees in the late 80's. He worked there for 2 1/2 years. The way he talks about it , these were his glory days. He actually reminisces quite frequently about these days. He says that everyone came to hangout at Hardees because he and his friends were so cool.  I am afraid to think about who his friends were. As a matter of  fact, when we travel, and there is a Hardees, we have to stop. We do not have one locally. He has to buy a Mushroom and Swiss burger. Then he complains about  how Hardees has gone down hill since he left.

I have come to a realization this week that everyone who is great faces adversity one way or another. So, it is that I relate  to O'Bama in this aspect. I have had several critics in my life that like to make fun of my philosophies on several matters whether it is the way I pronounce certain words such as Cacapon, or wassail or my obsession with digestive health. I have been taking a pro-biotic for a while now that replenishes your flora in your stomach. Well, the woman herself , Martha, had an article on pro-biotics. I don't' know why people never listen to me.  I have several instances when I make a statement only to get rolled eyes or an argument that I am conspiracy theorist. Well, here are  my latest stances:
1. Anti-bacterial anything will be more  harmful than good
2. Microwaves are bad for you!
3. We force antibiotics on kids and this is bad too. (we have only used antibiotics for strep here in my house)
4. Hollister perfume will get in your lungs and cause something similar to the popcorn lung.
5. No one ever should be ridiculed for nursing their baby.
6. Everyone should take a pro-biotic, fish oil, and eat  a handful of nuts each day
7. Chickens should be free range.
8. You do not need to wash your hair everyday
9. You should not wear deodorant with aluminum in it .
10. That was a UFO that flew over the Inauguration

11. The world is ending anyway and I guess none of this matters anyway!
I really do not know why no one listens to me.

Speaking of health,  I truly need to lose weight. Why? Well, besides the obvious fact that I literally need to lose weight, I was almost convinced to buy the caftan advertised on the home shopping channel.The size 6 model made it look really good! I also broke a chair. A metal chair! So, now while I am typing this I am sitting in one of the famous foldable lawn chairs. My butt takes up every square inch. This isn't the first I have broken a chair.  I try not to take it personally. One time, I broke  a wooden chair while talking on the phone in the kitchen. It was like an outer body experience. I was looking down on myself watching the wood splinter and fly away as gravity pushed my backside to the floor. The whole event took about 15 seconds which is a slow and painful way to go down. My niece benefited from the healthy bout of laughter though. Anything for my family. 

UPDATE: Well, in the beginning of the blog I talked of risotto...it was made and it was yummy. I will never make rice out of a box again. First, I had to buy special Arborio rice. Now, you can't go down to your local wal-mart and buy this here fancy stuff. You gotta make a trek to Martins. When I finally found it I acted like I found the holy grail and I am sure I spooked the gentleman who was staring at the rice shelves. I kinda' made a sound like the heavens parted and laid a golden finger on this rice and alas' I have found the precious relic in which I have devoted my life to finding. The man scooted over quickly, looked at me, and said, "maybe I should get that kind". I was in a hurry or I would have gone over the entire risotto story. I am known for talking to strangers whether they listen or not. 

So, there we have it. ramblings of risotto, ketchup and conspiracies. I am off today to buy fabric to make 19 lunch sacks for service personnel week. No little cutsie sayings on a candy bar for me. These people are getting something sweet and personal!  Have  a super snowy day

I leave you with this...Brad and Angelina are renting an estate in New York and the estate is named, Sassafras". (this is my karaoke name for those of you who don't know Sassafras...she emerges after a half-bottle of chardonnay and a few smokes...she has been on hiatus since Lilly came around :) )

Snow..keep on coming until tomorrow

Happy snow everyone. I wish it was a school day rather than a day already off but beggars cannot be choosy, right?
I had a fun photo session with Lilly this morning. She really didn't know what to think of the way the snow feels. Maybe forcing her into a snow angel pose wasn't so smart:) She is cute though. I did it for her own good. She will thank me in the future.

I wanted to share pics of the curtain I made and my organized jewelery

One last pic of of what looking out my bedroom window looks like. The kids and I made a thousand snowflakes and glued them all over our windows for Christmas. They are sooo cool. Have super snowy day. I am going to enjoy the rest of the day with my family. I am also going to go through more boxes of photos so I can bring more from the vault photos to those on facebook. They are truly cracking me up. Did I hear someone say "nerd"?  I was sooo a nerd.

Happy Chinese New Year..sort o=

Sorry for having been absent for several days. I hear I have some loyal viewers. I am sure this is based on the fact that you somehow feel better about your life when you read about my dysfunctional family. I am joking of course.
Happy Chinese New Year. I wasn't sure if any of you knew, but this is the Year of the Razor. That's right, my baby girl, Lilly, said "Da, Da" last night. Please send all sympathy cards to my home address. I nurse her all night long, I carried her lovingly for 9 months,  I change her diapers, I buy her cute clothes and read to her. What do I get? Spit up and ray gets "Da, Da". I don't even care if if she meant it. She should have said "mama".   So needless to say, I am almost ready to buy the "Teach your 2- week old to read " , you know, from the infomercial. Because if she can read, she can write ... then she can write me love letters and I can wave them in front of Razor's face.

Why do I call my husband Razor you ask? It is not that he is some big biker guy. Quite the opposite. One night, I was chit-chatting with a girlfriend about how I was always jealous that some people got to grow up with a cool nickname. I tried to give myself one when I was 19. It is not the same thing,  when you walk around all summer introducing yourself as a "Lugnut" and then when the person asks how you got that name, you have to be honest and say you gave it to yourself. You don't have some cool story about the origin, nope you gave it to yourself. Pretty lame, huh? But destiny called when I met Ray. This night as I was telling my friend my story about wanting a nickname. Ray said, without even looking away from the TV, "yeah, I wanted to be called Razor when I was 13 but it never caught on". I rolled on the floor laughing. From then on I just had to call him, Razor. He gets really embarrassed when we are in Food Lion and I say , "Razor, did you get the scallions? or at Sheetz in front of all the construction workers, "Razor, will you buy me some beef jerky?"
I digress, this blog is supposed to be about my life and getting it together. But, much to my dismay, I am at work against an incredibly strong force called Razor's fascination for the incredibly useless kitchen gadget. Ray loves flea markets, yard sales, antique malls, markets and  stores, and thrift shops. If it has people's used items, he is all over it. I purge. I get rid of crap only to make a space for him to fill.
The lamest thing he ever bought was a huge crock pot with, drum roll please, three separate compartments, and a cloth cord. A cloth cord!  I live in a log cabin. Do you know how fast that would torch? We were at the flea market in Front Royal when he stopped in the middle of the aisle and gazed at this gargantuan item. I rolled my eyes and thought if I don't stop and ignore this he will keep moving. No, I hear "Mary, come see this, it is only  $5!". I don't care if it was free, I wanted nothing to do with it. He literally fussed and fumed the whole way to the van. Like a 3 year old. He couldn't stop talking about how cool it was because it had 3 compartments. He could cook meat in the middle with two side dishes. Just like at KFC. Did he really just say that, I am thinking?  I kept saying no until he threatened to not get gas in the van. I had no cash on me and no money in bank account. I was at his mercy. if I wanted to get my family safely home, I had to succumb to the ancient 50-year old crock pot with three compartments. "Oh go get it" I say. Do you think razor has ever cooked anything in this? Nope. Nothing.
At least I can rub it in that I was right about him never using it...even though he did blackmail me. For the record, he didn't mean it about the gas. He was desperate..and I saw that desperate look in his eyes, which was I let him have his toy.
As I was taking pics of the items to show you what I am up against, I heard the real true horrid story about the kitchen items that I don't know even know exist. Here is the True Middleway Story which will air later today on E!
We have a rental house in the next town over. Last year, we needed to clean out our loft so we could finally finish it. Ray put all the boxes of old memorabilia, Christmas  items, etc in the rental house. Well , he has also been stashing items from yard sales and flea markets there without my knowledge. Listen to this conversation:
Mary:   Ray, where did you put the milkshake maker?
Ray:    Oh don't worry, I got it.
Mary:   Oh I guess you put it at the rental house. Great. More kitchen junk
Ray:    You don't even know what I got. If we ever wanted to do a 70's retro kitchen I have everything we need.
Mary: * gulp, sigh*  What?
Ray:   Yeah, this ol' man. He sold everything from his kitchen. I got a brand new original Mr. Coffee Pot. Still in the box! With paperwork! And... you should see the  blender. It's glass. (does he know they still make blenders with glass I am thinking)
Isaac: (he decides to chime in)   Mint condition.
Ray: Its beautiful, unfathomable.

So there you have it folks. What is a girl to do? How can I compete against mint condition and unfathomable retro 70's kitchen appliances?  He actually  tries to use some of them like , "how could we live without them?"  He used the milkshake machine to beat eggs. Beating eggs really is not that hard and really takes no skill. But, alas, he used the milkshake machine to make scrambled eggs. He hasn't used it since. So, here I am trying to organize around his junk.  Wish me luck.

Last week, I did make French Bread. It was a heck of a lot of work but worth it. I want to try a softer bread that would be yummy with butter. I felt like I should be eating my french bread with some nice gouda and have glass of Pinot Gregio. Not that there is anything wrong with some wine and cheese, mind you. 

Since today is a snow day, I am going to organize my jewelry. Look at this mess. My mom would be ticked. Jewelry is expensive and this is ridiculous.  I have so many cute boxes that my mom collected that I am going to organize them into the boxes. 

I will also be making a room divider for my laundry room. My laundry room is the first thing you see when you come in my back door. This room houses craft supplies, shoes, food, kitchen gadgets, and of course dirty laundry. usually, piles of laundry. Who wants to see that? Not me. Why do I want the guilt of dirty laundry haunting me as soon as I get home? That will be done today. Razor has to pick  me up a suspension rod.
Here are  Sophie's  gorgeous scrabble tiles. Kinda blurry but I think you get the idea.

They kept cracking and we couldn't figure out why. I went to the manufacturers website for the glaze  and it said that the glaze will crack if drying in a room that is below 70 degrees. Darn this cold house. So, we put them in the bathroom which is the warmest room. They are cool. I especially like her Michael Jackson one. Sophie loves the 80's. Don't even get me started on the stuff Ray brings her from his thrifting adventures. Ill post later about the California Raisins. *sigh*

Top ten things I am loving right now (I got this idea from another blog): 

1. The cutest socks from Trumpette that my friend and mentee,  Jen, got me. I love love love.

2. This fabric from Alexander Hamilton in which I will sew a curtain from. Today. Stay tuned.

3. These earrings my niece, Amanda,  made me. She is soooo cool. They are actually dried flowers that she pressed and then laminated them. They are so unique and you have to observe them to see that they are laminated. I guess coolness runs in my family.

4. This guitar stand that Isaac designed from PVC pipe. He made a big one to house about 6 guitars but then designed this on his own. Again with the coolness. I rest my case. Wow. My walls look really dirty. I am on it. He even made flames. tee--hee.

5.This cute gnome that my neighbor, Amanda, gave me. My mom had a whole set of these gnomes in her garden that she made from ceramics. I grew up with these gnomes. Do you remember this book?

6. The movie, the Love Guru. Oh my gosh, Justin Timberlake is hysterical. Do not watch with kids. I wish someone would have told me, but man is it funny. I cracked up. 

7. These teacher appreciation ideas from Skip to My Lou blog.

8. This whirl-O-Pop that Razor bought for .25 cents at a yard sale. This makes the best popcorn. We have movie night and this is great. For every 5 silly buys the man actually buys something good and useful. 

9. These eyelashes:

10. Chicken Salad from this website. I omit water chestnuts and the cheese but otherwise a very tasty and satisfying chicken salad. Except, I have to half the grapes for Razor because he does not like the way they "pop" in his mouth. Wah. 

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for jewelry and curtain progress.

I leave you today with  this question to ponder from Sophie, "Is Kevin Bacon still alive, and if he is, how old is he?"

Feeling slightly successful...slightly

It has been a few days since I have posted. I have been keeping up for the most part. What I am realizing is that I might not "martha it" in terms of doing something I have never done before but I am "martha-ing" it in terms of tackling something I do all the time in a new way. For instance, lesson plans. I will have my lesson plans done before the weekend. If that happens, that means my aide will have everything copied before the weekend and there is no fretting Monday morning. This is really an attainable goal because I know what I want to do  in my head, I know the resources. It is just a matter of planning. I did my lesson plans all pretty like on the computer and this makes me feel good. I am a simple person. Throw a few shapes from word art in there and I am tickled pink.
Yesterday was Razor's Birthday. Ray always looks mean in pictures  just so you know, hence the name "Razor"

 

I made the cupcakes on Sunday night, how organized is that? They were not homemade but to be honest I cannot make homemade cake. I have tried! ... but I did make homemade applesauce.  

This was something I have always wanted to do. I am never eating applesauce from a jar again. Where I have I been the last 36 years? Seriously. Oh my gosh, nothing could be easier and more tasty. I feel like a loser and a winner. Paradoxes fill my life.

I made this to accompany a pork loin rubbed with rosemary and garlic. Pork chops and applesauce, nothing could be better. I am actually late to this whole meat and fruit combo thing. If I only would have listened to this guy when I was 7. This was roasted with some potatoes and chicken stock. I found the recipe here. This was yummy. A side salad with homemade ranch dressing and we were in heaven. I got the bagged salad from my friend, Michelle. She has a Trader Joe's connection and I actually get all this free food. Organic, free trade, and literally free food. This week I got sconces, whole grain bread, broccoli and spring mix salad. I am not proud..bring on the free food. So lesson learned, if you have always wanted to try and make something, try it. Today, homemade bread. I have tried before but I am going to try again. Also, homemade pasta. Even Sophie can make homemade pasta and she has a pasta machine that she got for Christmas a few years ago. I am lame but not for long...
I also downloaded these letters for a semi-homemade banner. My niece and Sophie glitterized it.

This turned out cute. There is a  rogue "y" to the right that would not cooperate. Speaking of glitter, have you seen the glitter set from Michaels? Holy Moly. I used my 40% coupon to bring the price from 30.00 to 16.oo. It is worth every penny. Even Sophie's eyes bugged out when she saw it. 

Since I am sort of on the food topic, I would like to vent about my husband's disregard for healthy foods. You know, I am not in the best shape but I feel doing things a little at a time is better then going full-fledge. For instance, only have butter in the house not Country Crap. Oh sorry, I mean Country Crock. I have no idea why Razor loves this stuff so much. Maybe it was those commercials from the 80's where the two hands are rubbing each other and the woman is giggling. I guess for an adolescent boy that  might have been exciting. I  have been trying to bring some more spark to our love life. Maybe I should try to have a moment with him next time he is buttering his English muffin. Then again, maybe not.
I asked Razor to pick a few things up from the grocery store the other day. I was literally appalled when my 14-year old son, Isaac, and Razor came in the door and Isaac unveiled his "find". Yes, the boy bought Souse loaf. He actually said it was pretty with all the colors. What, is he three years old? And the hot dogs, where to start?  Hot Dogs should not be fluorescent pink. Period.
Here is Ray's idea of shopping:

You would think the 99 cent sticker would have been a clue. But then again, it said "Smart Option" on top. I need to investigate this. 

If anyone knows me,  they know my addiction to Reality shows. This is def. an addiction that I need to beat. I cannot be gaining anything from these shows worth any value. I do laugh. Alot. It is like a train wreck. So imagine my glee when I could watch Rock of Love:Tour bus last night. (No kids around). This show gets worse and worse each season. I think  the producers must wait outside the skankiest strip clubs to recruit these women. Although, I was growing kinda' fond of the tomboyish girl on the show. She was real if you know what I mean? But then she goes and blows it when she tells Brett that he was on her Pass List when she was married. Who does that? I mean this is her first confrontation with the man. Speaking of celebrity crushes. I thought I would share a few of mine before signing off. They are odd. Random. Maybe gross. I would love  for a psychologist to analyze this. Have a relaxing icy kind-a day.
Here are my dream men:
Paul James: Gardening Guy

Whats With That House host:

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

Steve Irwin

Lastly, another Steve From Blues Clues

Counting down to school beginning again

As many of you know  I celebrated my birthday on January 1st. I am now officially 36. I say *officially* because last year I kept telling everyone I was 36. How lame is that. That is the one of many acts that my mom used to do that I thought she was so lame for. I mean how does one forget one's age? I guess when it really doesn't matter how old you are. I  mean I am not waiting for my license, I already can drink, I can cross the road by myself, I can call 1-800 numbers (get your mind out of the gutter) So I guess I will know what age I am when I can get the Senior Price at Golden Corral. They think Seniors don't eat much. Well, they haven't met me:) 
So, I was laying on the couch on January 1st just watching tv. Then I heard what had to be a dream come true. Chik-Fil-A  Bowel? Could it be? Could Chik-Fil-A really be making their own mouthwatering version of my favorite Kentucky Fried Chicken Bowel? Tender juicy bits of chicken laying on top of imitation mashed potatoes and smothered  in corn and gravy? Man, I hopped up ready to warm up the van to go get me some. I could picture it now, maybe their bowel would be a sumptuous mix of waffle fries and chicken. I couldn't believe my ears....then at the next commerical I see that no, there is no Chik-FilA bowel as in food there was a lamo football bowel sponsored by Chik-Fil-A. I was so mad. I mean I was livid. You can't do that to a girl on her birthday. That's like taking candy from a baby. So, I will be writing Chik-Fil-A with the idea of a bowel. Wish me luck.Here is my commet.  I urge all of you to contact Chik-Fil-A as well.

                To Whom it May Concern,
                  My name is Mary l. and I frequent your chain of Chik-Fil-A restaurants quite   
                  frequently.I  stumbled upon what I think is a very good idea. I am sure you are always 
                  looking to brighten your menu or add changes to keep up with other famous chicken  
                   joints. Have you ever thought of making a bowel with several layers?      
                Just a thought. I love your  food and I think you all are doing a great job.
                    Signed  "A fan of your Chicken Combo #1"

I have been busy getting  my children ready for science fairs and 4-H visuals. Isaac will be showing people how to build guitar hero stands from  PVC pipe thanks to this tutorial on Instructables.com. Jacob will be making a bull whip like Indiana Jones from duct tape thanks to this post on Skip to My Lou blog. He made one today and and after getting frustrated with the braiding process, actually made one all by his little lonesome. Sometimes, it is hard to let kids do things by themselves but I have  really learned to step back and let them figure it out, especially with my youngest.
Have a great rest of your Saturday. I am going to finish laundry, and look for old pics to scan with my new printer from Razor, IE my husband. Speaking of Razor, I leave you with these thoughts:
 Ray: If I was high definition, what would my name be? 
Me: uhhh...I dunno 
Ray:  Blue-ray
Welcome to my life. Like I said, it can only go up from here. Blessings to all.

New years ramblings

Well, Happy New year to everyone! I am sort of ticked because I wasted 2 hours glued to the TV thinking that Fox and friends was going to read my email. Can you imagine that they didn't?  They had an astrologer on and she was reading viewers' emails and answering their questions about the new year. Now, I really don't even believe in astrology. Wait! Maybe that's why she didn't read it....mmm. Food for thought. Maybe this astrology thing is real. No... now that would be psychic readings if she could tell I really didnt believe in astrology, right? Oh my goodness, drink more coffee Mary. Way to start the new year.
  Yesterday was a bust really in that I forgot it was New Year's Eve. It really isn't that big of a deal to me. I just assume TO  be SLEEPING at 12am. But last night was sort of funny. I was driving home with three of my kids and we really wanted to be home by 12 to welcome in the new year there. But, alas, I had a great idea I would take back roads to avoid cops.I have a broken tail light, ok? So, much to my kid's dismay, we welcomed in the new year driving into Middleway. So, we rolled the windows down and Jacob yelled, "Wooooo....2007....wooohooooo 2007". I laughed so hard I had to stop the car. Where did he get that idea?
Then Isaac proceeds to tell me why 2007 was his very favorite year of his 14 years here  on Earth. Most of the reason revolves around the fact that I took two trips that year, one to England and one to Brazil. Turns out that when I am gone all hell breaks loose. Good to know. Mental note: take no more trips. Isaac says that they put the Tv in the kitchen, (close proximity to food I suppose), set out all of our foldable lawn chairs and make a "couch" with them and basically live and sleep in the kitchen. Literally, they sleep on the those foldable lawn chairs. I rest my case:Men are weird. He also mentioned something about an ipod, Jacob breaking an arm (why  does that make it great?), and being in 7th grade.
Well,  I have already stated that I intend to bring some sense of order to my life by accomplishing one thing on my list everyday. I also want to learn how to knit this year. Bad. Really bad. I am spending way too much money on Etsy and ebay buying other women's cute knit hats for  Lilly. Then losing them at Home Depot and other random spots here in the panhandle.  I am also going to buy a butter dish. So, there you go...knitting and buying a butter dish. Is that too unreasonable?  What are your resolutions?