Sorry for having been absent for several days. I hear I have some loyal viewers. I am sure this is based on the fact that you somehow feel better about your life when you read about my dysfunctional family. I am joking of course.
Happy Chinese New Year. I wasn't sure if any of you knew, but this is the Year of the Razor. That's right, my baby girl, Lilly, said "Da, Da" last night. Please send all sympathy cards to my home address. I nurse her all night long, I carried her lovingly for 9 months, I change her diapers, I buy her cute clothes and read to her. What do I get? Spit up and ray gets "Da, Da". I don't even care if if she meant it. She should have said "mama". So needless to say, I am almost ready to buy the "Teach your 2- week old to read " , you know, from the infomercial. Because if she can read, she can write ... then she can write me love letters and I can wave them in front of Razor's face.
Why do I call my husband Razor you ask? It is not that he is some big biker guy. Quite the opposite. One night, I was chit-chatting with a girlfriend about how I was always jealous that some people got to grow up with a cool nickname. I tried to give myself one when I was 19. It is not the same thing, when you walk around all summer introducing yourself as a "Lugnut" and then when the person asks how you got that name, you have to be honest and say you gave it to yourself. You don't have some cool story about the origin, nope you gave it to yourself. Pretty lame, huh? But destiny called when I met Ray. This night as I was telling my friend my story about wanting a nickname. Ray said, without even looking away from the TV, "yeah, I wanted to be called Razor when I was 13 but it never caught on". I rolled on the floor laughing. From then on I just had to call him, Razor. He gets really embarrassed when we are in Food Lion and I say , "Razor, did you get the scallions? or at Sheetz in front of all the construction workers, "Razor, will you buy me some beef jerky?"
I digress, this blog is supposed to be about my life and getting it together. But, much to my dismay, I am at work against an incredibly strong force called Razor's fascination for the incredibly useless kitchen gadget. Ray loves flea markets, yard sales, antique malls, markets and stores, and thrift shops. If it has people's used items, he is all over it. I purge. I get rid of crap only to make a space for him to fill.
The lamest thing he ever bought was a huge crock pot with, drum roll please, three separate compartments, and a cloth cord. A cloth cord! I live in a log cabin. Do you know how fast that would torch? We were at the flea market in Front Royal when he stopped in the middle of the aisle and gazed at this gargantuan item. I rolled my eyes and thought if I don't stop and ignore this he will keep moving. No, I hear "Mary, come see this, it is only $5!". I don't care if it was free, I wanted nothing to do with it. He literally fussed and fumed the whole way to the van. Like a 3 year old. He couldn't stop talking about how cool it was because it had 3 compartments. He could cook meat in the middle with two side dishes. Just like at KFC. Did he really just say that, I am thinking? I kept saying no until he threatened to not get gas in the van. I had no cash on me and no money in bank account. I was at his mercy. if I wanted to get my family safely home, I had to succumb to the ancient 50-year old crock pot with three compartments. "Oh go get it" I say. Do you think razor has ever cooked anything in this? Nope. Nothing.
At least I can rub it in that I was right about him never using it...even though he did blackmail me. For the record, he didn't mean it about the gas. He was desperate..and I saw that desperate look in his eyes, which was I let him have his toy.
As I was taking pics of the items to show you what I am up against, I heard the real true horrid story about the kitchen items that I don't know even know exist. Here is the True Middleway Story which will air later today on E!
We have a rental house in the next town over. Last year, we needed to clean out our loft so we could finally finish it. Ray put all the boxes of old memorabilia, Christmas items, etc in the rental house. Well , he has also been stashing items from yard sales and flea markets there without my knowledge. Listen to this conversation:
Mary: Ray, where did you put the milkshake maker?
Ray: Oh don't worry, I got it.
Mary: Oh I guess you put it at the rental house. Great. More kitchen junk
Ray: You don't even know what I got. If we ever wanted to do a 70's retro kitchen I have everything we need.
Mary: * gulp, sigh* What?
Ray: Yeah, this ol' man. He sold everything from his kitchen. I got a brand new original Mr. Coffee Pot. Still in the box! With paperwork! And... you should see the blender. It's glass. (does he know they still make blenders with glass I am thinking)
Isaac: (he decides to chime in) Mint condition.
Ray: Its beautiful, unfathomable.
So there you have it folks. What is a girl to do? How can I compete against mint condition and unfathomable retro 70's kitchen appliances? He actually tries to use some of them like , "how could we live without them?" He used the milkshake machine to beat eggs. Beating eggs really is not that hard and really takes no skill. But, alas, he used the milkshake machine to make scrambled eggs. He hasn't used it since. So, here I am trying to organize around his junk. Wish me luck.
Last week, I did make French Bread. It was a heck of a lot of work but worth it. I want to try a softer bread that would be yummy with butter. I felt like I should be eating my french bread with some nice gouda and have glass of Pinot Gregio. Not that there is anything wrong with some wine and cheese, mind you.
Since today is a snow day, I am going to organize my jewelry. Look at this mess. My mom would be ticked. Jewelry is expensive and this is ridiculous. I have so many cute boxes that my mom collected that I am going to organize them into the boxes.
I will also be making a room divider for my laundry room. My laundry room is the first thing you see when you come in my back door. This room houses craft supplies, shoes, food, kitchen gadgets, and of course dirty laundry. usually, piles of laundry. Who wants to see that? Not me. Why do I want the guilt of dirty laundry haunting me as soon as I get home? That will be done today. Razor has to pick me up a suspension rod.
Here are Sophie's gorgeous scrabble tiles. Kinda blurry but I think you get the idea.
They kept cracking and we couldn't figure out why. I went to the manufacturers website for the glaze and it said that the glaze will crack if drying in a room that is below 70 degrees. Darn this cold house. So, we put them in the bathroom which is the warmest room. They are cool. I especially like her Michael Jackson one. Sophie loves the 80's. Don't even get me started on the stuff Ray brings her from his thrifting adventures. Ill post later about the California Raisins. *sigh*
Top ten things I am loving right now (I got this idea from another blog):
1. The cutest socks from Trumpette that my friend and mentee, Jen, got me. I love love love.
2. This fabric from Alexander Hamilton in which I will sew a curtain from. Today. Stay tuned.
3. These earrings my niece, Amanda, made me. She is soooo cool. They are actually dried flowers that she pressed and then laminated them. They are so unique and you have to observe them to see that they are laminated. I guess coolness runs in my family.
4. This guitar stand that Isaac designed from PVC pipe. He made a big one to house about 6 guitars but then designed this on his own. Again with the coolness. I rest my case. Wow. My walls look really dirty. I am on it. He even made flames. tee--hee.
5.This cute gnome that my neighbor, Amanda, gave me. My mom had a whole set of these gnomes in her garden that she made from ceramics. I grew up with these gnomes. Do you remember this book?
6. The movie, the Love Guru. Oh my gosh, Justin Timberlake is hysterical. Do not watch with kids. I wish someone would have told me, but man is it funny. I cracked up.
7. These teacher appreciation ideas from Skip to My Lou blog.
8. This whirl-O-Pop that Razor bought for .25 cents at a yard sale. This makes the best popcorn. We have movie night and this is great. For every 5 silly buys the man actually buys something good and useful.
9. These eyelashes:
10. Chicken Salad from this website. I omit water chestnuts and the cheese but otherwise a very tasty and satisfying chicken salad. Except, I have to half the grapes for Razor because he does not like the way they "pop" in his mouth. Wah.
Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for jewelry and curtain progress.
I leave you today with this question to ponder from Sophie, "Is Kevin Bacon still alive, and if he is, how old is he?"
